Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Nothingness




There was
Always
Something
To do

There was
Always
Someone
To help

There was
Always
Somewhere
To go

There was
Always, the
Frenetic
Feverishness

That mocked
Us, with
Monotone
Monotony

Gnawing at
Our dis-ease
The virus
Of modernity

Coursing through
Us, with restless
Agitation and
Inferior insecurity

II

There was
Always
God

All seeing
All knowing
All intrusive

A recurrent
Theological infection
In the family’s DNA

Why wait
For judgement
Day

Double the
Effect and
Start today

The strain
Of salvation, a
Constant insecurity.

Faith’s amputation
The only remedy
For God’s intrusion

III

I have
Done, with
The all, the

All seeing
All knowing
All intrusive,

I have
Done, with
The always

Something
Someone
somewhere

I listened for
God, and he
Did not speak

I listened to
People, and they
Spoke to much

Now I
Hear, the
Echo of silence

The siren song
Of stillness
Sings to me

The sweet
Eternity
Of Nothingness

That nothingness
Which is not
Nothingness

But the presence
Of stillness
Completeness

The soundlessness
That absorbs
God

The quiet
That drowns
People’s voices

Nothingness
Calls to
Me

Monday, April 16, 2018

The Loner




A loner
Stigmatized
By isolation

I long
For the lonely
Isolation

A modern day
Leper
Cast out

To have the
Space to hear
The symphony of silence

A loser
With not
Enough selfies

The lilting
Melody of
Stillness

The scent of
Shame scrabbling at
His throat

The in breathing
scent of
Serenity

Sitting unseen
On the
Sidelines

To sit unseen
In the tranquility


Of timelessness

Life’s perversity
Hating what
I craved

Life’s perversity
Now craving, what
Once I hated



I originally wrote this poem in column format.  The bold, italicized verses in a second column juxtaposing the verses in plain text.   It is the comparison of growing up as a loser, a loner, feeling isolated and then as a older person craving the silence and the stillness that was attached to be a loner

Sunday, April 1, 2018

To my Grandson



You loped down the stairs,
The outline of your
Boyhood receding
Like mist
In sunlight
Your body stretching
Into manhood
Unknowing and
With nonchalance
You carried the
Shadow of
Your uncle

You are the
Man, of the future
That strange amalgam
Of your father,
Great-grandfathers
Fears and insecurities.
Their hopes and graces.
And lessons crystallised

We men, we spend
Our lives wondering
If we are enough
Insecurities gnawing
At us, while we race
With anxious desperation
Trying to prove
We are enough
But you are
Enough.

Remember
This, whatever
Life gifts you
You are
Enough

You will look
For love
And love you will
Find. 
But love will hurt
For such is its nature
It must hurt
To refine

When love has hurt
Then you will find
It is not the love
You find that counts
It is the love you learn
To have for
Yourself.

You will look
For friends
And friends
You will find
But do not grow
Downhearted, when
Friends betray or fail you
For such is the nature
Of friends.

True friends are
Few and far between
It is not the friends
You have, but the
Friend you are
To yourself

So, my grandson
As you stretch
Into manhood,
You are enough
You always will be
Enough. 

Love, hold it lightly.
It comes and goes
But always love yourself.
Remember, loneliness
Is life’s way of
Giving you the
Opportunity to be
A friend to yourself.

Mistakes, you will
Make them
Do not be afraid
Of them
For that is how
You learn

The time will come
When you will
Rest in your strength
Be at peace in your love
And be a friend to yourself

A time when you will
Watch your grandson
Lope towards you
That strange
Amalgam of his fathers,
Grandfathers and
Great-grandfathers
Fears and insecurities.
Their hopes and graces.
And lessons crystallised.

Thursday, March 29, 2018

I woke at 2



I woke at 2
Startled by
The silence
That crept
Into consciousness

And the wind
Held its
Breath, awed
Into stillness
By the silence

I lay motionless
Caressed by
Stillness, waiting
Hoping,
Longing

Stars with
Mute disinterest
And cold
Indifference
Waited as I waited

For my dark lover
To enter and consume
Me, as I sunk
Into the
Silence

Saturday, March 17, 2018

This Heart



It’s been around
This heart
Patched,
Parts stitched,
A tapestry
Woven, still
Weaving.

A tapestry
Of colours
The grey of grief,
The gold of grace,
Passion’s purple
And love?
Its blush?

Now I am
Realising, I have
Crossed the line,
The threshold
Where I crave
The silver
Of silence

That space
Between words
That pause, before
Your kiss
That moment
Of suspense
Before release

Time, stilled
Suspended
Before succumbing
Into the oblivion
That is not
Oblivious
To silence

And,
In the stillness
Of silence
My heart,
This heart
Beats, in
Silence


Friday, March 2, 2018

Libran



I am a Libran
Do not forget
Behind my smile
You are weighed

Do not mistake
My politeness
For liking, for
You are balanced

On the scales
Few there are
Who balance them
And fewer still

Who tip
The them
To their favour
And fewer still

Who have
The wisdom
To know
My smile

Is my mask
My social grimace
Behind which
I watch and wait

I am a Libran
I weigh
I wait
While watching



Wednesday, February 28, 2018

Moments



The pressure of his hand
Anxiously uncertain
The sinewy sensuousness
Of quadriceps rising
To kneel in
Supplication or adoration
Ambiguously unknown

The warm toxicity
Of breath
Eyes searching
The boundaries
Of the face,
For some tenuous flare
Of recognition

Time eclipsed
In the masked ball
of reversed reality
Where nakedness is
Revealed but not
The intimacy of
Our name

Moments,
Fragments
Of time hunted
With Erotic intensity
The weight of bodies
Then elided from the day
Held in memory



Requiem for the other David



I am his
Namesake, an
Unknown uncle
This other David

He had
Long gone
By the time
I arrived

His life
Compacted
To a phrase
Died of war wounds

And I
Wonder
Who he was
This man

Committed
To oblivion
No grainy
Black and white

To give his
Features visage
His presence,
Forgotten

But for
Four words
Died of war wounds
I wonder

What were his wounds
What was his war
Did he have time
To love

His spectral
Haunting presence
Restless, in his
Obscurity

A man,
An uncle
A name
Nearly forgotten

Nearly,
But not forgotten
Saved by words
Just four

And we,
Live
Linked by
Our names

And the other
Man, we shared
Your brother
My father


Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Words - No 2


They come at me
With incessant insistence
Demanding, not just
A hearing, but
Some response

A word begets
Words, then
A sentence, and
A sentence, not having
The decency to know
It’s limits
Becomes a paragraph

Spoken at me,
Rolling over me
Requiring some
Answer, a word becoming
A sentence, drowning
In a paragraph

Words clashing
With words
Consonants and
Vowels jarring
At volume


While
I
Starve for
Silence
The stillness
Of the
Unspoken
The space
Where words
Cease
And calmness
Breathes
Into the
Space

That space
Where I
Listen
To the
Stillness
The silence
Of eternity
Seeping
Into time

Thursday, January 25, 2018

Afternoon


The train
Races past
Suspended on
Tracks of steel
Schedules to keep

While we lie
In silence
Seconds
Slipping by
Suspended schedules

Surrounded by
Stillness
Touch lingers
To stretch
Out time.




Monday, January 22, 2018

Morning


Sunlight undulated
With sensuous delight
Across the surface
Bird song
Punctured the
Stillness, 
The river
Slowed to a
Walking pace
Staring
As your presence

Pressed against me

Saturday, January 20, 2018

This Dancing Life - for Matthew

This Dancing Life – For Matthew

It is the devil’s
Dancing season
When Persephone
Rises, spitting
Pomegranate pips

And Demons
Track the
Path of pips
Leeching into
This time

Succubus’s stalk
Scratching, sucking
At scabs of memories
Grown starving
In the shadows

Persephone, you
Did not bring the spring
You never do
Each year,
A resolution
To endure.

And so, we dance
The devil and I
We dance,
Embraced
Again

But I have
Learnt to
Dance with
The devil
And dance

We will

I will dance
Till the
Ferryman
Arrives.
I will

Dance
On the boat
Of the Ferrymay
Until we reach
Those shores

When Matthew
Meets me
We will dance
He and I, again
In love’s embrace

We will dance
Into eternity
Life begun
Life endured
Life lived

The dancing
Season
Will then
Be

done

Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Sorry


He leant across
And kissed me
It was a
Narrow space
Yet so far
He said
I’m sorry.

I wished
He hadn’t,
Hadn’t said
I’m sorry
I was glad
For the kiss
It took me back

He was in pain
Mine, he didn’t see
Mine wasn’t
His to see
I’d buried mine
Behind the veils
Within my heart

Yet with
That kiss, he
Tore the veil
Reminding me
Of other days
Infused and tinged
With wisps of hope

He said
I’m sorry
I knew, he
Didn’t want to
Hurt, how could
I tell him,
Life hurts enough

Now I have
A memory
The warmth
Of his lips
And I promise
Myself,
Tomorrow

I will dig
Again,
And bury
His kiss behind
The veils
Within
My heart



Tuesday, January 2, 2018

This Season


This season
With nonchalant
Disregard for
Summer’s pleasure
Stalks once more
Across the
Floor boards
Of my soul

New year’s passing
Barely cold
The old returns
With strident
Insistence, suffocating
Intention and
Slicing scars
With precision

Once more
In summer’s heat
I wait the
Thawing of
Hoary fingered
Icicles clutching
Ventricles of
A wounded heart

I shut
My eyes
In case the
River Styx
Should seep
Amongst those
Who have not
Stood in its tide

But I have stood
In the River Styx
I have waited, and
Waited for
The ferryman
Listening to the
Rasping of
His oars

Each year
This season
He comes
To remind me
Of what he took
And I wait
For he will come

For me