As if

I knelt as if to pray

As if I believed

I hoped “as if”

Would be enough

Enough to make

Believe, belief

I’d lived my life

As if

As if

I was someone else

It wasn’t as if

I hadn’t tried

I’d tried to be

Myself

It was as if

Myself was not allowed

Did I live my life

As if I’d lied

As if the pain of hiding me

Was planned

I hoped and hid and tried

As if it would be enough

I have had to learn

We do not live

As if we lived

We simply

Live