Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Nothingness




There was
Always
Something
To do

There was
Always
Someone
To help

There was
Always
Somewhere
To go

There was
Always, the
Frenetic
Feverishness

That mocked
Us, with
Monotone
Monotony

Gnawing at
Our dis-ease
The virus
Of modernity

Coursing through
Us, with restless
Agitation and
Inferior insecurity

II

There was
Always
God

All seeing
All knowing
All intrusive

A recurrent
Theological infection
In the family’s DNA

Why wait
For judgement
Day

Double the
Effect and
Start today

The strain
Of salvation, a
Constant insecurity.

Faith’s amputation
The only remedy
For God’s intrusion

III

I have
Done, with
The all, the

All seeing
All knowing
All intrusive,

I have
Done, with
The always

Something
Someone
somewhere

I listened for
God, and he
Did not speak

I listened to
People, and they
Spoke to much

Now I
Hear, the
Echo of silence

The siren song
Of stillness
Sings to me

The sweet
Eternity
Of Nothingness

That nothingness
Which is not
Nothingness

But the presence
Of stillness
Completeness

The soundlessness
That absorbs
God

The quiet
That drowns
People’s voices

Nothingness
Calls to
Me

Monday, April 16, 2018

The Loner




A loner
Stigmatized
By isolation

I long
For the lonely
Isolation

A modern day
Leper
Cast out

To have the
Space to hear
The symphony of silence

A loser
With not
Enough selfies

The lilting
Melody of
Stillness

The scent of
Shame scrabbling at
His throat

The in breathing
scent of
Serenity

Sitting unseen
On the
Sidelines

To sit unseen
In the tranquility


Of timelessness

Life’s perversity
Hating what
I craved

Life’s perversity
Now craving, what
Once I hated



I originally wrote this poem in column format.  The bold, italicized verses in a second column juxtaposing the verses in plain text.   It is the comparison of growing up as a loser, a loner, feeling isolated and then as a older person craving the silence and the stillness that was attached to be a loner

Sunday, April 1, 2018

To my Grandson



You loped down the stairs,
The outline of your
Boyhood receding
Like mist
In sunlight
Your body stretching
Into manhood
Unknowing and
With nonchalance
You carried the
Shadow of
Your uncle

You are the
Man, of the future
That strange amalgam
Of your father,
Great-grandfathers
Fears and insecurities.
Their hopes and graces.
And lessons crystallised

We men, we spend
Our lives wondering
If we are enough
Insecurities gnawing
At us, while we race
With anxious desperation
Trying to prove
We are enough
But you are
Enough.

Remember
This, whatever
Life gifts you
You are
Enough

You will look
For love
And love you will
Find. 
But love will hurt
For such is its nature
It must hurt
To refine

When love has hurt
Then you will find
It is not the love
You find that counts
It is the love you learn
To have for
Yourself.

You will look
For friends
And friends
You will find
But do not grow
Downhearted, when
Friends betray or fail you
For such is the nature
Of friends.

True friends are
Few and far between
It is not the friends
You have, but the
Friend you are
To yourself

So, my grandson
As you stretch
Into manhood,
You are enough
You always will be
Enough. 

Love, hold it lightly.
It comes and goes
But always love yourself.
Remember, loneliness
Is life’s way of
Giving you the
Opportunity to be
A friend to yourself.

Mistakes, you will
Make them
Do not be afraid
Of them
For that is how
You learn

The time will come
When you will
Rest in your strength
Be at peace in your love
And be a friend to yourself

A time when you will
Watch your grandson
Lope towards you
That strange
Amalgam of his fathers,
Grandfathers and
Great-grandfathers
Fears and insecurities.
Their hopes and graces.
And lessons crystallised.

Thursday, March 29, 2018

I woke at 2



I woke at 2
Startled by
The silence
That crept
Into consciousness

And the wind
Held its
Breath, awed
Into stillness
By the silence

I lay motionless
Caressed by
Stillness, waiting
Hoping,
Longing

Stars with
Mute disinterest
And cold
Indifference
Waited as I waited

For my dark lover
To enter and consume
Me, as I sunk
Into the
Silence

Saturday, March 17, 2018

This Heart



It’s been around
This heart
Patched,
Parts stitched,
A tapestry
Woven, still
Weaving.

A tapestry
Of colours
The grey of grief,
The gold of grace,
Passion’s purple
And love?
Its blush?

Now I am
Realising, I have
Crossed the line,
The threshold
Where I crave
The silver
Of silence

That space
Between words
That pause, before
Your kiss
That moment
Of suspense
Before release

Time, stilled
Suspended
Before succumbing
Into the oblivion
That is not
Oblivious
To silence

And,
In the stillness
Of silence
My heart,
This heart
Beats, in
Silence


Friday, March 2, 2018

Libran



I am a Libran
Do not forget
Behind my smile
You are weighed

Do not mistake
My politeness
For liking, for
You are balanced

On the scales
Few there are
Who balance them
And fewer still

Who tip
The them
To their favour
And fewer still

Who have
The wisdom
To know
My smile

Is my mask
My social grimace
Behind which
I watch and wait

I am a Libran
I weigh
I wait
While watching



Wednesday, February 28, 2018

Moments



The pressure of his hand
Anxiously uncertain
The sinewy sensuousness
Of quadriceps rising
To kneel in
Supplication or adoration
Ambiguously unknown

The warm toxicity
Of breath
Eyes searching
The boundaries
Of the face,
For some tenuous flare
Of recognition

Time eclipsed
In the masked ball
of reversed reality
Where nakedness is
Revealed but not
The intimacy of
Our name

Moments,
Fragments
Of time hunted
With Erotic intensity
The weight of bodies
Then elided from the day
Held in memory